The 1940s, Main Street, Caseyville Illinois
I remember our house was small and sat at the top of a hill adjacent to a flowing creek. Every time my Dad drove our black ’32 Dodge sedan up the hill to that house I remember experiencing a keen sense of fear … what if we tipped over and rolled down the embankment and into the creek! Was that possible? Did my Dad know what he was doing? Clutching and all the maneuvering? Rain, snow, ice, muddy slushy ruts ~ up/down/up/down. Might this have launched my lifelong fear of heights, of water? My 'always' position in the car … back seat, passenger side … facing the creek, teetering on the edge as we traveled uphill. I suspect my younger sisters, one in the middle, one on driver’s side never noticed the creek or that steep incline. Strong swimmers, no fear of heights. Case closed.
come rain or come shine
an optical illusion
childhood fantasy
Isn't it interesting when we track back memories and figure out where some of our fears and feelings (and sometimes loves) come from? I like the details here in our recounting of the memory: the kind of car, the muddy slushy ruts, and the memory that it was a clutch car. Those clutches always gave the momentary sense, right between the gears, that you could be in trouble...roll backwards on the top of a hill. Add to that an embankment on the side. Oh my. So So interesting (case closed) that sitting where you did, you have the fears and where the others were (like a horse having blinders on) don't.
ReplyDeleteLove the haiku with it....perfect!
So glad you posted to the prompt!
PS: a small house atop a hill....I'll bet it got windy in your yard! :)
Scary moments for sure for a little girl! The old cars were not smooth running like ours today. Fears do get embedded in our psyche. A great haibun!
ReplyDeleteSounds scary for sure! I don't think I had ever even seen a hill until I was a teenager!! My world was absolutely FLAT! Strange your sisters are both swimmers while you're afraid of water. Must have something to do with that ride up the hill by the creek!!
ReplyDeleteLife is not fair... you should have had the opportunity to sit on the "safe" side.... love the story and the sense of danger.
ReplyDeleteha at least you own where the fear came from ... very graphic description!
ReplyDeleteChildhood fears can stay embedded in our psyche, whether legitimate or imagined. Thank you for sharing this Helen, well written. Sorry you fear water, it is a magnet to me. We got something. :)
ReplyDeleteWe “all” got something.
DeleteIt sounds like your dad drove like my husband does on the mountain roads around here!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness. I can see how this childhood memory might have generated fears that have stayed with you into adulthood. Aren't memories fascinating?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Ali
Dearest Helen,
ReplyDeleteOh good grief, if that did fear you I'm sure glad that you never rode with us all those years in Indonesia. That was up at 6:00 AM and high into the mountains, some 8,000 ft. There was NO guardrail and often mud and landslides. I've always sarcastically joked about their frantic attempt to 'control' their over population that way. Good Lord, no guard rail and straight down to your death.
That mudslide one day, did it. We were both in the back of the car and I was on the ravine side of it. A mudslide with a huge hole in the road ahead. The driver stopped and Pieter uttered, should we not get out? I said, yeah: HOW since there was a mountain of mud on the passenger's side where the door was. Or we had to step over the seat's back and open the back door of our Kijang jeep type vehicle. All of a sudden I said firmly: 'Don't MOVE!' as I saw an idiot making gestures with his hands to our driver as to come slowly, bend a bit to the other side and sure enough we were moving over some planks they'd placed over the gaping hole!!! We miraculously made it across that gaping hole, the planks held us.
One thing I know for sure that we both have a Guardian Angel and one that has worked overtime during several of our adventurous years. Grateful for that, even though I've never ever have been afraid. Not of heights, nothing.
Hope I did not make you cringe... sure did not mean to!
Hugs,
Mariette
When we think of it Helen, childhood fears can be most unsettling. The fear is real but the cause can be less intimidating. It can be a normal thing to some but others are frightfully worn out at the end of the day!
ReplyDeleteHank