Lori Crawford Arnold ~~ Photographer
Slow walk
to the barn with
half bottle of Jim Beam
tin cup propped on the old fence post
he's done!
He's done
with all her lies
smooth, deceptively small
like something swallowed for a cold
no more!
No more
glib words muttered
without moving her lips
jungle red all sweet and glossed
drink up!
Drink up
let it slide
lazy-like, nice and slow
feel the burn, things are gonna change
oh yeah!
Oh yeah
he feels it now
ponders, was it her fault
was it his battened-down mind
get real!
Get real
they share the blame
him .. a stubborn old cuss
her .. an irrepressible delight
that's life!
I hope that he remembers his insights when he sobers up... then I also wonder how she will see her faults.
ReplyDeleteI can see this whole scene so well, Helen. So vivid, the story of this couple.
ReplyDeleteoh the pace of the poem perfectly matches the Jim Beam mood - for a moment I feared it might get nasty so the end was beautifully upturned
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't the ending I was expecting! I'm impressed with how you used the form, and with the depiction of the relationship. I get the impression he's done this before. I'm wondering what she's doing back at the house?
ReplyDeleteHaha! That's brilliant...ah the love of a woman...it should not make you take that path!
ReplyDeleteWow!!! you nailed this.
ReplyDeleteMuch💛love
gifted Crown Cinquain ... I always say that there are two sides to every story and you've captured that so well here! kudos Helen ... calmkate
ReplyDeleteLove the round and round here Helen. You are irrepressible, and what other way to be! 😏✌🏼❤️
ReplyDeleteQuite an interesting story poem told in the crown cinquain form.
ReplyDeleteDearest Helen,
ReplyDeleteHalf a bottle of Jim Beam will do its work...
Hugs,
Mariette
Smiling here, Helen. Liking your story. I am remembering my paternal grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary open house. Grandma didn't want Grandpa to serve liquor. So he opened a bar down in the barn.
ReplyDeleteI was only of high school age so couldn't drink with the home bunch. (Another story, or three or four here.)
..
Drew me right into the scenario. Great job Helen!
ReplyDeleteI like the drunkenness and the bravery it does to a person in this well-written tale.
ReplyDeletestubborn and irrepressible are quite the combo - you made me see them both !
ReplyDeleteHow to get out of the inner conversation with ourself to the outer one with the person we really need to talk with...an eternal question in every relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhat a story you wove, Helen! Jim Beam can sort it out for sure.
ReplyDeleteI really like how the tone, imagery, and repetition--smooth and mixed--match the motif so well. One can practically see the thoughts dancing in subject's mind, trying to make sense of things...
ReplyDeleteI love this whole moment described, Helen! So sensory and inviting! :-)
ReplyDeleteEntertaining story, Helen...perhaps those two deserve each other?!
ReplyDeleteWell told story with vivid images of this couple.
ReplyDelete