I dream in measures, keys and tempos
the maestro is a master, and a monster
"monster-master" is what we call him
behind his back as he flips the pages
eighty-eight pages of Mozart's score
while I day-dream about farmer's market
market! tis the season, farmers are in town
juicy tomatoes ~ [will Mozart ever end?]
juiciness is truth, I've a crush on maestro
his dark swarthy look appeals to me
appeals for blessings from my family
darkness, the push / pull have grabbed hold
darkness be gone! crops have flourished this season
dreams of pulling tomatoes from heavy crates
crates of sheet music. jumbles of instruments
I dream in measures, keys and tempos
Merril introduces Pub Crawlers to a new form ~ The Duplex! (not easy) fourteen lines in couplets, 9-11 syllables per line, second line of each couplet is partially repeated or echoed by the first line of the next couplet, last line echoes the first line, second line of each couplet should change the meaning of the first line in some 'unexpected' way!
Dearest Helen,
ReplyDeleteDreaming in tempo is lovely... hope I'll reach my tempo once again!
Hugs,
Mariette
💞
DeleteKind of makes for shivering, "his dark, menacing side appeals to me." Never would it to me. I believe a musician and a writer penned this. It for me was very nice, kind of dark, maybe?
ReplyDelete..
I dream in measures, keys and tempos - Powerful opening line!
ReplyDeleteOhhh! I love that opening couplet, Helen. And I like what you did with this.
ReplyDeleteI'm not asking you--or anyone--to rewrite, but if you do want to work on the form, this did not have the repetitions. Your third line had the wonderful "master-monster," but then you didn't repeat words or lines until the end. Do you play other instruments besides the flute?
The opening line is such a hook! I love the cadence throughout this poem, Helen ❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteYes, the revision is perfect. I appreciate that you did it, and I hope I wasn't being a monster-maestro. 😂
ReplyDeleteA glorious feeling of accomplishment, Merril-Maestro!
DeleteYou crushed it with this poem, Helen. It's true that sometimes a maestro is a task-inducing monster so we can flourish and grow.
ReplyDeleteLoving the beat to this Helen!
ReplyDeleteThis narrator must surely be a musician - I wonder what instrument...
ReplyDeleteA very musical rhythm altogether Helen and captures the problem of day dreaming whilst doing something else!
Lovely and lyrical duplex, Helen...but crush any crush on dark & menacing men!
ReplyDeleteLOL, Lynn ... I changed menacing to swarthy. You are correct, menacing men are not "my thing."
DeleteI love how you write the tension between the commitment and the yearning all with an eye to tempo.
ReplyDeleteOutstanding opening couplet, Helen. Love this!
ReplyDeleteHelen,
ReplyDeleteThis poem is truly beyond.
Much love,
David
SkepticsKaddish.com
juicy tomatoes – [will Mozart ever end?]
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line.❤️